As I resurface from another accounting busy season, the next three posts I'm publishing this spring will be more personal soliloquies than anything else. Even though the purpose of this newsletter remains to foster a life-long learning mindset, I figured why not publish some of my personal messages for others to maybe find meaning in? Here are the three topics I'm going to write about:
Nostalgia
Sports
Christianity
Today, we're putting nostalgia under the microscope. Why? Because I struggled with it mightily. Maybe a better term for what I battled was a post-college dystopia realization (i.e., life isn't a 4-year party). To land where I am today, I had to go through a season of feeling nostalgic. Becoming utterly comfortable with who you are is the only way to shed this sentiment for the past. This post was not easy to write, but it has made my perspective more enjoyable!
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Too often, as humans, we crave the extraordinary and mindlessly experience the ordinary. If I can get through this week, then the concert on Saturday will be worth it. The monotony of day-to-day life fails in comparison as we watch others live spontaneously. Everyone wants more for themselves. At the same time of wanting a perfect future, oddly enough, we desire to have the simplicity of the past.
Why does this disagreement exist within ourselves? One reason is that both the ordinary and extraordinary moments we experience create a tense feeling of nostalgia. According to the Oxford definition, nostalgia is a sad feeling mixed with pleasure when you think of a happy time in the past. Everything tells us we need a prominent future, but every memory proves we were satisfied with what we had. Ever said or heard these statements?
"Remember, you used to have to call and ask for directions!"
"How could that be ten years ago?"
"Mhh, I looked terrific then."
"We barely made our flight the next morning."
"Nothing beats freshman year!"
Even though the definition of nostalgia is an oxymoron, it makes perfect sense when used in context with the statements above. The 'sad feeling' portion of the definition strikes me because seldomly does nostalgia leave me in a good mood. The memory might begin with a smile but rarely ends with one. Instead, I reflect on how to feel that way again.
Nostalgia's etymology explains the origin of this strange dichotomy. The Greek word 'nostos' means "return home," and the Greek word 'algos' means "pain." Therefore, the English word nostalgia stems from the "pain of returning home."
Have you ever felt the pain of physically returning home? I have, but past mistakes provoke that "pain." Nostalgia is a state of mind, and it can be painful returning to a previous mental state we used to call home - especially if that state of mind was good.
The unorthodox way that nostalgia digs at our mentality are why I wanted to write about it. If you're sad, you're sad; if you're happy, you're happy. If you are nostalgic, are you… sad and happy? As we unpack this idea, we will see how we unconsciously experience nostalgia more than we think. Even in its confusing state, it's important to recognize when nostalgia controls our decision-making.
EXPERIENCING NOSTALGIA
Photograph
Look at this photograph
Every time I do, it makes me laugh
Every time I do, it makes me…
-Chad Kroeger (2005)
The concept of a photograph dates back to BC times, but the first picture did not surface until the early 19th century. Early pictures underwent a strenuous creation process that could last as long as 8 hours. People would pose for an entire day to have their photos taken. It was captivating then, and it has not lost its luster since.
When I was a kid, the best after-school errand with my mom was picking up developed pictures (shoutout Wolf Camera). I enjoyed reliving the moments from the past month, whether I was there or not. I remember flipping through photos from my baseball game, but then the next ones were at my mom's high school reunion. Hearing her say, "Oh yeah, that's *so-and-so*..." and then describing the moment was like learning something about her.
But no one can compete with a grandmother at describing a picture. I never appreciated it in the moment, but both of my grandmothers are world-class picture storytellers. Regardless of if I know the picture, the underlying tales from one photograph always produce several minutes of conversation. It truly is a learning experience. While writing this, I watched this exact scenario unfold as an older gentleman became emotional looking at pictures:
Pictures teach us so much. Babies and toddlers can't read the words in a book, but the message becomes clear through illustrations. Even as an adult, I still get excited when a book has pictures; it gives the terms a whole new meaning. The reason why PowerPoint became the default presentation tool is that we could present more appealing images. Pictures teach us something because they are effective communicators.
How many pictures and videos do you have on your phone right now? I have about 2,500 since 2017 - a couple of thousand instances where I deemed it worthy of taking out my phone and capturing a moment. I'd imagine you're the same.
Think about some of your favorite pictures. What comes to mind when you see them? What makes them unique is the people, place, or activity. You don't take a picture of the spaghetti you made last night, but the camera is flashing at the same dish in Italy. The regular-season game is fun, but every moment of the big playoff game ends up on Instagram. The casual Saturday morning hike is cool, but look at these views from Glacier National Park last summer!
Pictures elicit the most surreal nostalgia of all the forms of media, even more so than videos. A video is more concrete than a picture. There is no room to negotiate the scene because of its blunt evidence. The trial is likely over when the jury watches a video of evidence in court. On the other hand, lawyers can still persuade the jury on what is happening in a photograph.
When I see a video of myself, I often think, "Okay, I get it." Sometimes, I even cringe watching a video of myself. Pictures will always have space for over-exaggeration or the ability to negotiate with prior circumstances. Whether the moment was big or small, our imagination is still in charge.
Looking back to the time spent with my grandmothers and photographs, I now realize that their message is nostalgia for youth. We live in more prosperous times today, but too often, the final words are, "Those were simpler times back then." Even though it's a happy memory, nostalgia explains why pictures leave us in a sad state.
Adversity
With the understanding that good times fuel nostalgia, can the same be said about hard times? I'm not talking about tragedies like losing life, a job, or other personal hardships. Think of this at a macro-level. Can we reminisce on our life during hardships, like, come to think of it, what we're going through in the world right now - and be nostalgic for it?
As strange as it may be, I think the answer is yes. I found a short essay written by Betty Lou Gaeng for a local news outlet describing her experience growing up in the Great Depression. The beginning is dense with all of the tribulations her family endured, but her tone shifts toward the end:
"Looking back to those times, the Great Depression was certainly not easy for my parents, but they made sure that our family weathered the tough years, and we stayed together… [talking about living in the same place today] Everything is much changed, but my memories of the past and what seemed to be a good life during a tumultuous time remain."
Betty Lou is saying is, yes, it was hard, but we all stayed together and survived. We came out on the other side, maybe not unscathed, but stronger for the experience. Hard times can induce positive nostalgia if you approach it the right way.
Regardless of what is going on around us, the only vantage point you will be able to look back on is your own. I won't look back on 2020 the same as someone who was more affected by the Covid pandemic. My memories of 2020 will be positive because I accomplished a lot of personal goals. Meanwhile, it seemed like the world was burning around me.
It turned out others felt the same way. In March of 2021, there was a viral trend on TikTok of people nostalgic for the Covid-19 quarantine one year later. Most of it was playful humor, but it sparked controversy from people seriously affected by the pandemic.
No one should ever feel guilty making the most out of a challenging scenario. Similarly, no one should feel judged for suffering during a hard time. Hopefully, years later, we'll all be able to look back like Betty Lou with a bit of nostalgia because we emerged from various crises better for it.
NOSTALGIC DECISIONS
I went to college at the University of Tennessee. Football in SEC country is a lifestyle, but Tennessee takes it to a whole 'notha level. The passion of UT fans is known to irritate the rest of the SEC because Tennessee hasn't been good in years. We're the butt of all jokes, yet every fall, the Volunteer spirit comes alive with hopes of getting back to winning ways.
Come to think of it; the whole fan base is miserable with nostalgia for the 1990s. There is a tired joke among UT fans where people say, "It feels like '98!" anytime UT strings a few wins together. This is because 1998 was the last season Tennessee won a National Championship, also known as 23 years ago. How can something feel like 23 years ago?
I would argue the incessant need for the program to be what it was only exacerbated present failures. The most recent failure was on the Athletic Director, also the head coach in the 90s. He got the job because he "knew what the program looked like during its winning days and how to bring it back." The story ends with him "stepping away" and leaving the program worse than when he arrived. Tennessee football is the poster child of how nostalgia can derail current progress.
Yet, fans keep showing up! Why is that? I think it's because nostalgia allows us to believe two things that cloud our present decision making:
A belief that certain history can repeat itself (Selective Amnesia)
A belief that our future will only be as good as our past (Future Nostalgia)
1| Selective Amnesia
I have awful selective hearing. I was on a date with a girl once, and she said something that was a major red flag. It might be my #1, numero uno, bar-none deal-breaker, yet I tried to act like she didn't say it! It took another two or three times hanging out until I finally brought it up again, and she said the same thing. Thankfully I snapped out of my amnesia right then and there.
Selective amnesia is a scary realization. How am I capable of bluntly acting like something didn't happen? We try hard to make the best possible reality with as much control.
"Did I do *insert embarrassing thing* at the party last night? Oh my gosh, everyone noticed. Well, it wasn't as bad as what Ned said. And everyone I care about was in the other room. Also, everyone laughed at my joke around the fire later. I'm even going to meet with Parker for lunch this week about work."
We can justify ourselves to ourselves until the point of selective amnesia. Then, nostalgia creeps in and tells little white lies. Therefore, we forget all of the minor worries and stresses of daily life. For example, this past week, I had terrible sinuses and burnt my tongue so I couldn't taste (self-inflicted Covid?). Also, I recently moved back in with my parents for a few weeks while waiting to move into a new townhouse. It's likely the last time I live with my parents, so I don't think I'll remember my petty sinuses when I look back on this time years later.
So when we wish things could go back to how they once were, we're entirely leaving out the stress we had at that time… Mostly because we don't remember it!!
"Ugh, I wish I could go back to being 22 again, but oh wait, I had no money to pay for gas."
Selective amnesia clouds our view of the past. It's the same reason why we can keep drinking every weekend. By the time Friday rolls around, we forget how bad Sunday was and convince ourselves drinking ten beers was "so much fun last weekend." Because of this, it's possible to be stuck climbing the wrong hill for a very long time.
Boston
You and I both know history is full of selective amnesia. We tell the story that fits our narrative and ditch the conflicting details. I took a trip to Boston last summer for the first time. Boston is probably the most nostalgic city in America. When you walk down the streets, there is this eerie feeling of all the events that transpired from 1600-now. Pick a time in America that you think is the most favorable, and you can go to Boston and relive it.
I walked down State Street (the first street in Boston) on a beautiful summer morning. State Street is the most popular of the many streets that connect downtown to the harbor. The initial feeling of "wow" is quickly replaced with "uhh." While it might be one of the first known streets in America, it's like any other street today, and what sells better than a smoke shop next to a Starbucks? Immediately, I thought, "Man, it must have been so cool here in its prime."
Well, not quite. One quick Google search lets us know that the North End harbor area was adept at gang violence during the 18th and 19th centuries. Maritime lawlessness has only subsided in the past 100 years. Yet, I still gush over previous generations' lifestyles?
As State Street ends, you enter 'Long Harbor,' which gets its name from being the longest harbor (I couldn't believe it, either). I sat there to write for a second as it began to turn into a hot afternoon. The port was busy with commercial fishing, historical tours, shipping barges, and bachelorette parties. Literally, a yacht rolled by blasting "Yeah!" by Usher with 10-15 girls going crazy on the boat.
It snapped me out of my amnesia right then and there. I loved spending time in Boston, but why do we inflate things beyond belief? I think we want so bad for certain things to remain true.
We are a masterclass at selecting information to fit our narrative in the information-infused society we occupy. If we cherry-pick our present based on past nostalgia, you bet we will do it for our future.
2| Future Nostalgia - The Hallmark Effect
Don't you love it when people give unsolicited advice? Even if they have good intentions, I lean toward being cynical about the solution, mostly because I never asked for help. Alternatively, the media we consume is full of unsolicited advice, but we gladly lend an ear. More specifically, Hallmark movies introduce a need for more simplicity into our minds. As a result, I have dubbed the "hallmark effect" when simplicity seems to be the best option. It looks something like this:
The overworked, stressed-out city girl meets the small-town, blue-collar rancher. Throughout the movie, the rancher works to restore the hard-heartedness of the city girl through informal interactions. Usually, the city girl is dating a narcissistic executive who prioritizes work over her. The rancher wins over a friend or sister of the city girl, and she pushes the city girl to pursue the rancher. The climax ensues when the rancher confronts the city girl in the rain outside the old county fair. He calls out that she's not happy and wants to provide better for her. She accepts, they say I love you and kiss. Credits.
From the way a Hallmark plot unfolds, the audience develops a want for this same simplistic lifestyle for themselves. Although, after the credits, we don't see where the city girl milks cows and shovels manure. Suddenly, maybe that loft in Chicago drinking a latte wasn't too bad.
My point is that our rose-colored idea of what we want for the future usually will have to deal with nostalgia. The past is a skillful negotiator. I've listened to Elon Musk (founder of Tesla) talk fondly of the days he was working 18 hours a day and sleeping on a couch. In 2020, Elon sold millions of dollars worth of possession to return to a more simplistic lifestyle. He's the richest man on earth. Regardless of how good we have it at the moment, we can always revert to the thought that our previous life wasn't that bad - even if we hated it.
Country Music
There is nothing better at evoking nostalgia (for me) than country music. The whole gist of the genre is describing things that you have done. It's the antithesis of hip hop, which spotlights living luxuriously (and is what makes hip-hop so alluring). We know it's the same song repeatedly, but it stimulates a different memory when phrased a certain way. You're bound to hear the following in any song:
A girl in daisy dukes
Going down to the riverbank
Parked in your flatbed truck
Getting a buzz on a Saturday night
Working hard all week to make a buck
Your boots fit just right
A 'pretty thang' up next to you
Taking a backroad
An ice-cold longneck bottle of…
It's so predictable, yet it has continued to sell. Unlike any genre, I have to sit back and think, "Why do I listen to this?" Then, suddenly, I'm hit with the first windows down, springtime drive, and Thomas Rhett is 'turned to 10.'
I have done most things referenced in a country song, so when the time presents itself to do it again, it's like a bad itch that needs to be scratched. Judging by its popularity, everybody else who grew up in some rural/suburban setting feels the same way.
But do you know what my future consists of? Almost none of those things. I'm currently an accountant. I drive an SUV; I work in an ultra-modern office; I take the highway everywhere; I don't spend much time outside… You get the picture. Some things are meant to be experienced but not carved out as a future lifestyle.
One last quick anecdote:
I have this video on my phone that I took at an Eric Church concert in 2017. It's one of the best concerts I've ever attended. As he was belting out the chorus to Springsteen, I had to record it. When I showed my dad the next day, you would be hard-pressed to know the video was even at a concert (if it weren't for me singing the lyrics in the background).
"You had to be there."
Then, the feeling of nostalgia began to set in. Was that the best concert I'll ever go to? I don't know, possibly. But if I'm adamant that it's the best, what I'm saying is every other live performance I see is all downhill from there. This nostalgic mindset would not allow me to enjoy the future.
Again, some things are meant to be experienced, and then that's it. Knowing when to move on is a valuable skill.
Final Takeaway
If you're like me, you got to the end of this still confused if nostalgia is good or bad. Good and hard times create it; we experience it all uniquely; it can influence our decision-making for better or worse. There is a lot of gray area with nostalgia.
I started this post in June of 2021, and after getting about 1,100 words in, I didn't touch it for eight months. I told myself it was not any good and that I could not write these types of abstract understandings. Ultimately, I decided it was better to stick with the technology-based material I was writing at the time.
Nostalgia is toxic when we use it in fear of change or a cling to certainty - almost like a feeling that things will never be as good as they used to be. Only then can nostalgia control us.
Our goal should be to create more nostalgia. Reflecting should be brief and for a moment. Every second spent reflecting is a second wasted not living. Nostalgia is an instant time machine to gauge how we use our time right now. Let's create positive nostalgia.